One of the most exciting times in life is when a couple announces that they are getting married. You have probably witnessed this many times. A couple makes this great theatrical announcement of their engagement. The soon to be bride is brimming with joy, the future husband has that look on his face that says that he just adores his soon to be wife. And everything is wonderful.
While that happy couple celebrate this new step in their journey, there are many people with a totally different view on marriage. Some look at marriage as an unnecessary evil. Then there are others’ who view it as a maybe possible but not really that important.
If you look around at many in your circle of friends you will probably find several that are in their second or third marriage. So if marriage is such a great institution how come so many marriages fail?
What makes one marriage different from others’? Why do some achieve long-term relationships and others’ fail within a few years. These are all honest questions that deserve honest answers.
One thing is evident, every marriage goes through several growth stages. How does one ensure that their marriage is one that makes it to the end. Since marriages are made between two independent individuals you reach a point where there is a struggle and sometimes even fights. Don’t give up hope marriages can succeed when you work at it.
If you keep asking “How Can I Help My Marriage” your marriage can grow and mature into a design that God has planned for every marriage. Let me start by trying to answer some common questions we all have heard.
Is Marriage Really Important?
The Bible teaches us that God did not create us to be alone. Marriage was established early in creation by God because it “was not good for man to be alone”. God created woman to be a helper, a sustainer, an equal but different part of humanity. And ever since that time men and women have found completeness through God’s plan of marriage.
This brings up a small side-question that some have asked, that is, “does everyone have to be married?” Can you be complete without marriage? The answer is yes, there are some people who live a complete life without ever seeking a marriage partner. They live single. They live a fulfilled life.
What Is Marriage Designed For? (What is the purpose of marriage)
Marriage is meant to be the design of the family structure. It was God’s intention that both father and mother contribute to the family structure. Through marriage comes new creation – children. While one parent can raise a child it was God’s intent in the beginning to have both a father and a mother who together contribute to the raising of children.
I confess that I am one of the many who believe that many of the problems we face today is because the breakup of marriage. Single parent home have huge struggles. Can one parent raise children, yes indeed, it is happening all the time now. But the sad part is that children need both a mother and a father in their daily lives.
Marriage was designed to be a forever family. While couples can live together and raise children together without a bond, a trust, a commitment to permanence, living together and raising children lacks the bonding agent that marriage builds.
Isn’t marriage just a piece of paper? I have heard that so many times that this question needs an answer.
No marriage is not just a piece of paper. Yes some people go to the court house and get married by the justice of peace. At that point that marriage is just a piece of paper. Yes it is legal, now you are married.
But a marriage is more than a piece of paper; it is a commitment to stick together for life.
The Secret to A Long-term Marriage is Commitment.
All couples face problems in their marriage. There are problems caused by the simple fact that a marriage is made up of two individuals who each have different opinions on how life should happen or how we should respond to life. When both parties in a marriage are totally committed to make their marriage work they find ways to sort through the differences or disagreements that almost every marriage will encounter.
In ministry, I am often asked to do marriage counseling. On most occasions I am happy to comply but there is so much that every couple should know beforehand that I often feel I have not done a great job at it.
One thing that every marriage needs is an understanding in conflict resolution. Conflicts will arise, there are some that are pretty typical in every marriage.
If you are struggling with conflicts in your marriage I encourage you to read the article by Cathy Meyer called 10 Marital Problems That Cause Divorce. It is a well written article that will give you insight to help your marriage survive the ups and downs without divorce.
Being committed to make your marriage work calls for a cohesive relationship than bonds stronger than the strongest glue.
Finding Hope And Help
Hope is a great thing. As long as you have hope for your marriage you will find a way to work through any problems you may face.
“Hope is called the anchor of the soul because it gives stability to the Christian life. But hope is not simply a ‘wish’ I wish that such-and-such would take place rather, it is that which latches on to the certainty of the promises of the future that God has made.” (R. C. Sproul)
If your struggle is with hope I encourage you to read my article “Holding On To Hope”. It was written to encourage those who are going through pain in their life. It seems appropriate here because sometimes our pain comes from the feeling that there is no hope for our marriage.
The truth is that every marriage can find hope when they earnestly desire to find help.
How or where do you find help for your marriage?
- Prayer – Our faith in God calls us to go to him with our every need and help for any marriage is a great need that God can help us when we seek him in prayer.
- Talk – Find a way to talk with your mate. After you have prayed go to him or her and ask to just talk. Share your concerns, your worries, your hopes. Communication requires talking and listening to your mates response.
- Read the Bible together – share your faith openly with each other. Try to answer their questions, let them know that you care for both their physical health and spiritual health.
- Plan date nights – every week find something that you can do together even if it is just going out to eat or to a movie. Spend time together enjoying each others’ company.
- If your relationship is still suffering, seek wise counseling.- Find someone who both of you trust to talk through your problems with.
These are just some ideas that work to help marriages get through the tough times. When in doubt look for help through all the ministries that exist to help marriages stay strong.
God’s Plan Is For Marriages To Last a Lifetime
Never loose hope any marriage can work when the couple seeks for ways to make it work.
Our marriage has lasted 51 years not because we are some special people but because we never gave up on each other. Your marriage can be that way too when you look for help for your marriage.
I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment or question and I will get back with you as soon as possible. If this article helped you feel free to share it on social media.
Ray – Author, Walkinghope.com